wowsolovely (wowsolovely) wrote,
wowsolovely
wowsolovely

well this is weird

melo m super private diary is not working. and i hardly ever post but I just need to rant. I am sure my friends are sick of hearing about this so I though id write it down and maybe feel better. I feel like I am going crazy. Hopefully the person I write about doesn't know this I don't think he does.

So I have talked to a guy online since I was like 14 lets just say 14 years. I am not the type to have internet relationships. We never had one but we still talked for that long. Joked about having a relationship but sometimes seriously talked about it but maybe I was the only one who though it was even the slightest bit serious. Anyways the point is we finally hung out and it was fine I mean it could have been worse. But imagining what it would be like to hang out/meet after than many years it was never going to be how you would imagine it.

It sucks first off neither of us had time really. I was in the middle of driving halfway across the country to move with all my stuff and animals with me. He was working. He was nice and damnit attractive I was really hoping he would just be awful and gross so I could never think about him again. I am currently overweight and had awful hair. I need to loose 30lbs before anyone wants to date me. I warned him. He didn't really say anything after or anything since that makes it sound like we will hang out again or flirt. I wish I hadn't met him. I liked us talking about how awesome it would be when we did. Now we have hung out and have nothing to say to eachother. I feel insanely stupid and gross and well just insane at this point.

I am sure he hasn't thought about it at all. I just can't figure out if
it was just bad timing.
he found me unattractive.
not the right place/time etc.
or if he never meant anything he said.
or its just a distance problem.

I just don't get the point of lying to a girl that lives several states away. I get when guys lie to get laid (actually I don't get it but I am used to it) but why. Why pretend to have feelings for someone. Why guilt them when they have a serious boyfriend or tell them to come see you. I mean I get pointless or just for fun flirting. But when you guilt someone over stuff I would imagine its more than mindless.

I am going with either he found me repulsive to look at or he never meant anything he said.

One day after I loose a bunch of weight I am going to get really drunk and ask him these questions. If he hasn't read this and gotten a restraining order.
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