wowsolovely (wowsolovely) wrote,

These lights will inspire you

I watched the halo awards. They had this boy he was amazing. When he was a baby his dad didn't want to pay child support so his dad injected him with hiv tainted blood.

I am angry at this guys father I want him to die to be honest. But this boy of course was angry for awhile but forgives him and is as positive as possible. He is a advocate for aid awareness and helps to many people. It made me cry. I want to give him the biggest hug and never let go. He wants to get rid of the stigma people with aids have. Makes me sad people still think you can get it from touching people.

It was really inspiring. I have always wanted to get involved and be advocate. I am so socially awkward and shy though. I never know where to begin. I dont know how to change. I want to but I hardly to or it takes me forever. I have one friend who is pretty involved and I always thought that was amazing we live nowhere near each other. I would love to meet people who care and have passions. I have always cared about people and want to help everyone I can. When post secret start the texting people I signed up right away. I was scared of getting texts and not being able to help the first text I for was horrifying like her boyfriend had killed himself. Having three of my best friends kill themselves though I could help somehow. I dont remember what I said I do remember he telling me I helped.

I have never regretted the horrible things that happened to me because I can take it better. The first time I was date raped I was 15 the guy was in his mid 20's. I wrote about it publicly I didn't care what people though I was just being honest. I got a lot of private messages from girls who said the same thing happened to them and they were glad I posted it because they didn't feel so alone and could finally talk about it. So not that I am glad it happened but good came out of it. Im glad it happened to me and not to someone who couldn't deal with it.

Then there is to write love on her arms. As I just mentioned 3 people close to me killed themselves. When I was in high school I went to the er a few times for overdosing and slitting my wrists. I cut myself for over ten years. I was close to relapse when my friend invited me to see dustin from thrice and to write love on her arms (which I thought was a band at the time) They had this open discussion where people talked about being sober, not cutting for years. It changed everything. I have never gone more than a year without cutting so to hear someone has made in three years gave me hope. I found her and thanked her you could tell she was so scared to talk in front of all those people so I had to tell her it helped me. I want to be her. I want to take my negative and turn it into a positive for me and others.

who knows I hope it happens I dont feel like giving my long list of excuses for why it never does.

sorry this entry jumped all over the place just lots of thoughts about different things .
  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded